Hooo boy everyone… I did NOT see this one coming. This is going to be a rare bird for me as it literally just came out right before the writing of this so you are kind of getting my live reactions to the content. There is only one episode as of this writing but when I saw the title “僕の彼女がマジメ過ぎるしょびっちな件” which Romanizes into “Boku no Kanojo Majimesugiru ShoBitchi na Ken” Or to go with how I’m translating it with my comprehension of the language My Girlfriend is a Serious Bitch! So how am I coming about this translation?
First we have ShoBitchi which is short for shojo bitch or ‘female bitch.’ Kinda redundant if you ask me, but in the original intent it’s meant to denote virginity. So I decided to remove the redundancy. Next is obviously Boku no Kanojo which means “My Girlfriend,” simple enough. The bit at the end ‘na Ken’ means ‘to view’ or ‘seems to be.’ I think it’s safe to remove this for the English. Finally, there is majimesugiru, which is a two part word: Majime for ‘serious’ and sugiru which is ‘too much’ or ‘excessive’. This would come out as “too serious” in English so again I’m removing a redundancy. Therefore “My Girlfriend is a Serious Bitch!”
So what does all this have to do with Men’s Rights or Issues? This seems just like some slice of life Romcom! Honestly? This shows part of why so many men in Japan have gone the herbivorous/ grass eater route, namely because women who act like this over there while not overtly common are still common enough to scare a lot of men out of the interaction in the first place. Between yandere (insane love) girls and girls like who we are going to describe here its a matter of self-preservation. With that all laid out, Let’s Hammer This In!
To begin, we see our current harem protagonist’s pervy dream about his prime love interest. Why do I think this is a harem comedy? The opening betrays it as such. I suppose I should introduce our budding couple here. Our male protagonist is Haruka Shinozaki and our titular ‘bitch’ is Akiho Kosaka. In this scene we see Akiho raise her skirt revealing no panties, after which Haruka Shinozaki wakes up in the middle of class with another classmate’s skirted ass right in his face, which startles him. This is likely because he is afraid of being accused of something and not of whatever the girl had for lunch that day popping right into his face, though that would be hilarious albeit excessive.
He then explains his reasoning for desiring our lavender haired vixen, all the typical bullshit you expect from these romance laden shows, setting up the Japanese trope of the springtime confession. That’s appropriate considering the “Haru” in his name means ‘Spring’. He had some suave lines ready, then forgot them all in nervousness and decided to just go for it, exerting the boldness men are known for due to testosterone. It’s interesting, since we see in the set-up discussion of the seminal duct. Its obvious this show wants your mind RIGHT in the gutter from the start. She accepts immediately and states that since this is her first relationship she should learn all 48 positions for ‘having a good time.’ This is an immediate reference to the 48 sexual positions that make up the Japanese equivalent of the Kama Sutra: The ShiJuu Hatei. Yeah, I’ll leave study of that up to your own discretion.
After the opening we see the stereotypical opposite-sex childhood friend pop in asking to go shopping with him, hugging him in the process. He calls her ‘nee-chan’ or ‘sister’ due to likely being a year or two older than him. The childhood friend mentions said friendship, making her overtly affectionate demeanor towards him ‘acceptable.’ Haruka immediately and rightly cries bullshit on the matter. Then a younger character wearing cat ears comes in dubbing him ‘onichan’ and claims its alright since he has ‘no girlfriend.’ It’s his ‘ACTUAL’ sister that will walk home with him. We see where this is going, and its not because I’m from Kentucky I’m saying this! To not shock them, and give himself time to make sure he explains it properly (making sure things stick,) he decides to let them have their fun for the day as it had been a long one.
We then go to the next day where he states that getting a girl like Akiho is like a dream come true. As he fawns over asking her everything about herself, like her hobbies and interests, she comes in right behind him and shows a similar interest, since they are going to be dating. However, when he says to ask him anything and that it’s more than fine, her first question is as follows: “What type of fetish do you have?” This comes complete with a notebook and pen to record his answers. She delivers the line completely deadpan to boot, to denote she has absolutely NO tact. Obviously he tries to redirect, asking if there isn’t something she’d prefer to know more first. She is not deterred, stating that this is her first priority. His discomfort with her bold questioning does not matter to her at all.
This is obviously something that would rarely happen in real life because even I who probably gives women more leniency than most of us will admit that no woman would show this much interest in pleasing a man. However, she does make the observation that a woman who doesn’t understand her mate’s intimate interests nor respects them causes a build up of dissatisfaction, something she quite adamantly prefers to avoid. He then states that the question itself is an issue as he doesn’t quite know himself yet, more than understandable seeing as he is only a sophomore and likely about 16 years old. She then shows she has a bit too much forcefulness and need for detail, requesting 40,000 words minimum. Most of my articles here are between 1500 and 2200 words on their own and even then I think they are a bit long, so that gives a sense of scale. At this point I’ve just gotten to word number 1026. So she’s asking for a flipping book on his fetishes, ooh boy.
Then the class takes notice. Did I mention this was happening in their homeroom where all of his potential competition for her is? Yeah, awkward doesn’t even begin to cover it. So to try to move on he states that he is ‘normal’ so she doesn’t need to think about it. Then, as it reaches right before lunch hour, since she is the class representative, the teacher asks her to return the books used for the class to the library. Noticing the amount, Haruka pops up and requests to help since they do seem heavy. Akiho glares and responds with “I see, so you have the mindfulness of a bondage slave.” Completely missing the point, she tries to go along with the bondage aspect and it still seems as messed up as it reads.
After we get past that insanity we see the two ‘lovebirds’ carrying the books to the library and for the first time she says something normal. “I’m sorry for making you help me.” Haruka responds by mentioning how they have to help each other at times, showing the dynamic a healthy loving relationship is supposed to work in the first place, a partnership between two souls. She acknowledges that he is correct in this regard, next thanking him proper and stating that its too stiff to call him by his last name as she had been doing, showing the desire to call him a pet name. Normally ‘Haruka-Kun’ would be used here but I think we’ve acknowledged at this point this is not a normal girl. So she decides to call him a ‘pig’ and look at him like a dominatrix, continuing the joke from earlier. Intent on finishing this off, he states that he isn’t an ‘M’ or a masochist. She’s taken aback by this a little.
We fast forward to lunch time where they sit next to each other as she is listening to something on earphones. When asked she states she is listening to men’s issues talk with the intent on learning more. As MRAs I’m sure some might think ‘wait, she doesn’t mean what we are talking about is she?’ And you would be right as she states that ‘excited actresses also have things they like.’ Pulling out the earbud from which you hear lewd moans and groans. So she was listening to erotica. We then move onto the actual lunch where she opens up a bin showing a delectable choice of fruits. Then she covers them up and asks him not to look, stating that she thought the cherries would ‘offend’ him. She obviously doesn’t comprehend that ‘cherry’ is slang for virginity. I think its safe by now to point this out, and this is merely speculation, but I believe this girl is meant to represent a high functioning autist.
Once done, he asks her for her picture since they are dating. Considering he would ask this, she has prepared a ‘selection’ of shots for his ‘arousal,’ turning his innocent request for a cute image of his girlfriend into a potential police situation concerning underaged porn. In several countries in real life, this would get a guy arrested, even if in this situation. Gods I’m not gonna hear the end of this one….When he mentions he just wanted a normal one of her face, she sends her one of her face… processed to look like an erotic game, one that has her calling him ‘big bro.’ Good gods which games has she been playing??? After he asks if they could get away from ‘arousal’ for the time being we fast forward to the end of the day.
Here she interacts with a pair of girls and one laments about how she can get her senpai to notice her. Akiho chimes in suggesting the use of ‘nyan’ (Japanese onomatopoeia for meow) or to show your pantiless mound right in his face. This goes as well as expected. She responds by suggesting she sits with her legs spread in an ‘M’ position. The girls run like mad stating that they’ll come up with their own solution. With girls this out of touch about what men are interested in and even incapable of approaching anyone of the other sex being depicted so matter-of-factly the grass eater’s prominence shouldn’t really be a surprise.
Dejected, she starts to leave, overhearing how she is hard to relate to and how no one can understand her, she worries that her new boyfriend thinks as such of her too. This feeling is assuaged when she runs into him, and he smiles and then suggests they walk home together. This is another accurate, though with exaggerations, portrayal of an issue with girls and gossip: They sometimes sabotage each other’s relationships by inaccurately second-guessing boys and men.
Relieved, she grabs at his sleeve and agrees. He asks if everything is ok, and she states there is nothing wrong. Then we have an eyecatch of lewd words, as we are only half way through the episode. Yeah, that’s a lot to take in isn’t it? Its the next day and they start talking about an upcoming test and he brings up the idea that they need to start studying now if they want to do their best. We then figure out that her grades are higher than his and he has to keep up. Noticing that there is a cherry blossom in her hair he goes to pick it off of her. He touches her ears and she jumps, as they are apparently very sensitive for her. Very lewdly sensitive. Haruka then gets pushed into the wall she backed into, putting them in a prime make-out position. She then states that the excitement from the first touch was gone, and requests a do over, even though they are about to be late to class. (Are we sure this isn’t a hentai? It isn’t? Ok….)
Next scene pops in and we have a tired at the end of class Haruka stating another day has passed and he studied a bit the night before, revealing he doesn’t usually study daily so he feels a bit spent. He better get used to that feeling knowing how the Japanese working world is. Then the childhood friend ‘big sister’ pops in and makes jokes about his lewds stash. Like a bullet train he ends up having to introduce the two to each other. She tries to make a bad joke to hurt the relationship, making childhood wrestling sound like hanky-panky. Then she tries to make trying to give her a fresh change of clothes and towel to dry her off from rain sound like forcing himself onto her. Akiho being well…. Akiho sees this as it is as them just being good friends and Shizuka (the friend) takes a milk candy and makes a jizz joke.
This continues with Haruka understandably concerned when Shizuka jumps him again and keeps dishing out bad jokes. Akiho says not to mind her then as the elder girl keeps prodding the two of them the autistic prodigy starts reciting pi. Yeah we are going with that level of insanity. We then get an up and down joke and it turns out she….literally rode him like a horse when they were kids.
To make up for her tasteless abuse, Shizuka takes them out to help them ‘make up.’ Even though I don’t think Akiho took her with any seriousness. Next day however when Haruka decides to head off the insanity from the get go, Shizuka decides to up and grope Akiho flat out. After prying the two apart Shizuka implies that the relationship between Haruka and Akiho is weak and suggests that if they got down to fucking that they wouldn’t even notice her interfering. (YOU SURE THIS ISN’T A HENTAI??? They’ve been dating for what? A week? Maybe two? What the fuck?)
We then have an invite to the gym storage room after school where we find Akiho…. In a bat mask with a whip and in a PE uniform. After being told that was a bit much she apologizes profusely and next to them is an assortment of marital aids. She asks to have electrodes strapped to her…Ok I think we are done here. This is not a hentai… I mean it this is not a hentai. She then raids his porn for a desire to educate herself as his girlfriend. Yes, I’m cringing extremely hard as I write this shit. Who wrote this insane show? Namiru Matsumoto? What else have you written? Nothing serious, a couple of short stories…this is what you go out the gate with for a full serial? Not something a little more balanced? You must have it hard in life if this is what you came out with. You have my sympathies. Ok, I think we are done here.
While this finishes up tamely enough with her finally starting to call him ‘Haru-kun,’ The pacing of this show is a little hard to keep up with and the jokes go a little long. I feel this show would do better if they cut it down to something more on the line of Aho-Girl as a 10 minute series of shorts as opposed to a fat 25 minute standard episode. Again this is only the first episode but it does show the flaws of being the first serious work of a particular author. That’s right I’m actually giving something I’m reviewing here a less than stellar review. I’m not saying don’t watch it at all, that would be kind of silly. I’ll still give this a three episode test but your mileage may vary. I don’t think I’ll watch this one to completion though, despite what insights it may hold for the issues men face in Japan. Its cute and will likely piss off AniFem but otherwise its rather meh. Oh whats this? It did? Ok then, spread it around, make sure they writhe in agony knowing they can’t stop it!
Next week I’ll likely start working on something deeper than this drivel. Until then Please Remember To Game Freely! (I better not get in trouble for having seen this thing…)
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