This is a response to “A Dummies guide for teenage boys on how to respect girls.” It was originally going to be a parody but instead took a more serious note as the writing continued.
1. Treat boys as human because that is what they are. They breathe and have feelings. Your words and actions can cause lasting damage. Think before you act and speak. Just because they don’t outwardly show every emotion they have doesn’t mean they don’t have them.
2. No sex shaming. Boys have every right to look at what they find to be sexually attractive without being shamed for it. Masturbation is perfectly natural and essential to male health and longevity. They have a right to enjoy sex without being called a pig or gross. Just because a guy finds a girl more attractive than you isn’t an invitation for you to mock or harass him about it. Male sexuality is also not an invitation to sexually assault him, either. He may have consented to you sexually touching him but that doesn’t mean he consented to you giving him “blue balls.” It’s painful, and he didn’t consent to that. If you want him to respect your body you need to respect his.
3. When boys say “No,” they mean no. Just because TV, parents, and your feminist teachers tell you all boys want is sex doesn’t make it true. Boys have every right to say no just like girls do, only when boys say “No,” unlike girls they almost always mean it. You may say one thing and mean another or “talk between the lines,” but boys are generally much more straightforward. If a boy says no, it doesn’t matter what you want at that point. You need to either stop touching him or respect his boundaries. It’s rape when you force a boy to have sex against his will.
4. Boys are equal in awareness of emotions. In fact, many boys may have emotional responses to things you don’t. They may even surpass in emotional awareness and empathy. They can even be better at you at fassion.
5. Don’t gaslight him. Don’t dress and act like a whore and then tell him he’s hateful for observing your actions. If you dress like a whore and you act like a whore, everyone is going to think you’re a whore. No matter who you are, when you go out into the world, people are going to judge you. You are going to judge them. We live in a society of people with social expectations of what is and isn’t socially acceptable. You don’t have to dress and act like a whore to get a boys attention, and if you do they will most likely get the wrong idea about you. Also, don’t become a walking example of false advertising. Makeup is only supposed to enhance your natural beauty. If people can’t tell you are wearing makeup, chances are you have the right amount on. You don’t have to put on two coats. You’re not waxing a car.
6. Boys are not here on Earth to buy you every little thing you want. They are not your emotional baggage handler. They are not your personal slave. They don’t owe you money. It isn’t their job to buy you things. Get a job and buy your own stuff. Boys aren’t emotional playthings.
7. Boys aren’t emotional playthings. Don’t try to emotionally manipulate boys into getting what you want. Don’t use boys as decoy boyfriends to throw off your parents. It’s mean and hurtful.
8. Twilight is not real. These are characters in a book. They are not real people. The “dangerous” character who falls in love with the girl is nothing more that a whitewash of the bad boy image who will take care of his girl friend. In real life bad boys act out in all sorts of violent and destructive ways. They are only nice to you because they want something from you. Sure, it seems exciting to be with a guy who always breaks the rules, but when these angry, damaged, violent boys get mad at you (and they will as it is inevitalable in all relationships of all kinds) they will turn violent on you. To know the difference beteen a boy who will treat you right versus a boy who won’t, look at how that boy treats others who won’t benefit him. Nice boys are always nice unless you give them a reason not to be, bad boys are always bad until they have a reason to pretend other wise.
9. Take responsibility for your own actions. Nobody can convince you to do something risky without your consent. Waking up coyote ugly is not rape. Don’t be reckless with your body. You can’t expect others to respect your body when you don’t. If you’re getting black out drunk and can’t remember the night before, don’t assume the guy next to you raped you. Don’t drink if you’re underage. Don’t drink if you can’t handle alcohol.
10. Stand up for yourself and fight your own battles. Don’t tell a boyfriend to go beat someone up just because you don’t like them. Don’t lie to a boyfriend about being raped or sexually assaulted because a boy said something to you that you didn’t like, or “made you angry.” This isn’t just a lack of respect for boys it also demeans all girls who have had boys sexually assault them, because with every false claim, those girls are taken less seriously and are much less likely to be believed. Sex should never be a tool to harm someone.
11. Nobody can make you mad, glad, or sad. Nobody has control over your emotions but you. Sure others can try and manipulate your emotions, but they are still your emotions and nobody can offend you without your permission. Take control of your brain, your thoughts, and your emotions. it isn’t just about personal strength but demonstrates a level of maturity.
12. Be a kind good human being to everyone boy or girl. Everyone deserves at least some respect, but remember respect is mostly earned not given.
Karn33333 is the creator of the Water Bear Brigade (youtube)
@Karn33333 on twitter.