Does this all have to do with just video games and porn? Possibly, but its probably not the entire picture.
As a guy who is single, I can not entirely agree with this conclusion. I know that out of the overall population, a majority of men that will do anything they can to seek out a stable relationship, as they do not like being single. So, I asked several of my single male friends this very question and came across the possible reason of why men are generally cooler with being single than women:
- Low investment, low return.
This tends to be the way that men deal with most of their relationships. When a man hangs out with another man, he’ll watch sports, play poker, talk trash, grab a few drinks, and maybe talk about whether he’s hooking up. This takes care of most of a man’s basic needs – for companionship, for laughs, for fun.
As I took a deeper look on how men generally coped, I also found that men are perfectly content being single are satisfied with their female friendships. I also found that there are more men than women, who are okay with low investment, low return. That’s all.
Men are more likely to define themselves by their careers – What do I do? How much do I earn? What kind of car do I drive? How big is my TV?
This is unfortunate and short-sighted because nobody dies thinking that he wishes he had a Sumsung 78″ LED Curved 2160 p Smart 4K Ultra HDTV instead of a 45″ Vizio.
Women in general, are more emotional and intuitive, more likely to define their lives by their relationships. So when they lack a partner, they’ll be disproportionately sadder than men, who just bury themselves in more work and (sometimes) play.
Then again, many of my smart, strong, successful friends also bury themselves in their work for a decade, and emerge from their cocoon of success and travel, only to learn that they’re really, really lonely.
- Communication styles.
Men need more help, yet, will not ask for it; women ask for more help and will demand it from everyone. Nowhere is that clearer than in the realm of relationships.
– Over twice as many women take anti-depressants, compared to men. I remember reading somewhere that it was about 1 in 6 women vs. 1 in 48 men.
– 90% of the self-help market in bookstores is for women. Seriously, apart from “The Game” have you ever seen a relationship book for men that’s sold in airport bookstores?
In other words, even if men feel the emotional need to connect, they rarely reach out to do so with each other, with their families, and so on. Women talk about their feelings with much greater frequency and intensity, further feeding the perception/reality that they care more about relationships.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
There are a decent number of men out there who don’t really desire the same kind of relationship women do. Their needs are met by their male friendships and their careers and the last thing they want to do is hold a purse when shopping at Nordstrom.
You can tell who these men are because when they call, its generally once a week to hook up and that’s all. These are guys that will play on their terms, and no one else’s. This is the true power of a man’s ability to separate sex and love is another valid reason he’s not terribly upset when he’s single.
- Expectations about relationships.
This is the most important point of all. Women expect their relationships to be transcendent. They expect the man to illuminate and inspire. You remember “Eat, Pray, Love,” right? “You don’t need a man. You need a champion.”
Guys don’t work that way. We want someone who is attractive, who doesn’t criticize us or tell us how much we need to change, who we can spend lots of time with without getting bored, who we can bring around our friends and families with minimal incident.
As a result, most men can date lots of women.
Elizabeth Gilbert, in her follow-up to “Eat, Pray, Love,” called “Committed”, explores these outlandish expectations that Western women have for love – which are nothing like what women in other cultures experience. As a result, Western women are very disappointed in their men, whereas men aren’t nearly as disappointed in women.
In other words, we think women are fine as they are. We just hate the fact that women need us to change so much. These biological and societal hoop that some women love to make about men, in short only hurts other women. Why convolute this already challenging game of cat and mouse by adding a watchdog.
Maybe, instead of hating men for being ‘Men’, learn from them instead. You can only be happy when you do not assume that the object of life is emotional happiness.
If there’s anything I missed, please let me know. Guys, please chime in here.
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