Brief: Woman makes a ground breaking discovery: if you treat the person you’re with like trash by belittling them every chance you get – they’re not going to like you very much. As soon as she stopped doing that – she found their relationship improved. Gee – big surprise sweetheart.
Q: if an employer treated their employee the way she described the way she constantly treated her husband, insulting, degrading and denigrating him – would it constitute a hostile work environment?
Solution: Don’t do that.
Result: better relationship between the two.
Synopsis: if you treat people horribly they will not like you, they will not trust you – they will only tolerate you. If you treat people with kindness and common courtesy – they will in fact like you.
Show me the part of this concept which is complex?…. Anyone?…….. Bueller….
“I started thinking about what I’d observed with my friends’ relationships, and things my girlfriends would complain about regarding their husbands, and I realized that I wasn’t alone. Somehow, too many women have fallen into the belief that Wife Always Knows Best. There’s even a phrase to reinforce it: “Happy wife, happy life.” That doesn’t leave a lot of room for his opinions, does it?
It’s an easy stereotype to buy into. Look at the media. Movies, TV, advertisements – they’re all filled with images of hapless husbands and clever wives. He can’t cook. He can’t take care of the kids. If you send him out to get three things, he’ll come back with two — and they’ll both be wrong. We see it again and again.”
Meanwhile: the man she was with – tolerated her constantly berating him, insulting him, degrading him and denigrating him as a lesser human being. He was treated with absolute abject disregard and with less courtesy than it should be acceptable to treat a complete stranger. All of this he endured for 12 years from the person he cared about most.
The woman even realized that there are only two possible results of this fantastically common behavior she described.
“If he’s confident with himself and who he is, he’ll come to resent you. If he’s at all unsure about himself, he’ll start to believe you, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Neither one is a desirable, beneficial outcome to you, him or the marriage.”
“If we keep attempting to make our husbands feel small, or foolish, or inept because they occasionally mess up (and I use that term to also mean “do things differently than us”), then eventually they’re going to stop trying to do things. Or worse yet, they’ll actually come to believe those labels are true.”
Once again: if you treat people horribly – they won’t like you.
She also highlights a specific point: “he’ll start to believe you.” Yes, someone mentally and emotionally abused, consistently, for long periods of time and begins to accept as “true” the denigration they are receiving.
What that describes is STOCKHOLM SYNDROME!
(1) The presence of a perceived threat to one’s physical or psychological survival and the belief that the abuser would carry out the threat.
(2) The presence of a perceived small kindness from the abuser to the victim
(3) Isolation from perspectives other than those of the abuser
(4) The perceived inability to escape the situation
1, He was hiding things from her for fear of another rant session where he’d have to endure to being subjected to insults about how stupid or inept he supposedly is, and how can’t do anything right – she’d explain at length how he’s useless and good for nothing.
2, She was his wife, hug or kiss him one moment and then start a rant session explaining how he’s dumber than a box of hair the next.
3, As the woman herself mentioned – as soon as she recognized her behavior she saw it everywhere she looked. Her female friends and family members and all media sources, TV, movies, commercials, etc. There is no opinion available other than the abuser’s, because that’s the norm.
4, He’s married, he leaves – she gets half of everything he has, and the kids in over 80% of cases. He can’t leave, he’s stuck.
And guess what – study, after study, after study has confirmed this woman’s behavior: to be extraordinarily common amongst women. Women are more likely to be manipulative, controlling and aggressive in relationships.
Uncommon amongst men though they are out there. Both of my parents behaved in exactly this way, constantly: my entire life, to this day. That’s why I have as little contact with EITHER of them as I can possibly get away with.
“Dr Elizabeth Bates, who led the study at the University of Cumbria, said: “Previous studies have sought to explain male violence towards women as arising from patriarchal values, which motivate men to seek to control women’s behaviour, using violence if necessary.”
“This study found that women demonstrated a desire to control their partners and were more likely to use physical aggression than men.
“It wasn’t just pushing and shoving,” said Dr Bates, who presented the results at a meeting of the British Psychological Society in Glasgow. “Some people were circling the boxes for things like beating up, kicking, and threatening to use a weapon.”
“Bruised and battered husbands have been complaining for years and now the biggest research project of its kind has proved them right. When it comes to domestic confrontation, women are more violent than men.
The study, which challenges the long-standing view that women are overwhelmingly the victims of aggression, is based on an analysis of 34,000 men and women by a British academic. Women lash out more frequently than their husbands or boyfriends, concludes John Archer, professor of psychology at the University of Central Lancashire and president of the International Society for Research on Aggression.
Male violence remains a more serious phenomenon: men proved more likely than women to injure their partners. Female aggression tends to involve pushing, slapping and hurling objects. Yet men made up nearly 40 per cent of the victims in the cases that he studied – a figure much higher than previously reported.”
“The mainstream media seems to imply that men are the sole perpetrators of violence against women, but research proves otherwise. A recent study by Harvard Medical School conducted a survey of 11,000 men and women and found that 50% of the violence was reciprocal. Both men and women also took responsibility for being equally violent in the heat of passion.
The Harvard study found that when violence was one-sided, meaning unprovoked, both men and the women themselves who took the study said 70% of the time it was the women who committed violence against the men.
Another study by the American Psychiatric Association that backs the Harvard Medical School study was published by Joan Arehart-Treichel who says, “When it comes to non-reciprocal violence between intimate partners, women are more often the perpetrators.”
As previously pointed out in my article “Toxic to the XTREME”
“Never mind the fact – that women enact the same behaviors, the same crimes, and in most arenas: they actually do it more often. Society simply chooses not to pay attention to what women do. This is why when you say “Domestic Violence” you think of a man beating a woman – in reality: according to the CDC, Harvard University and over 300 large scale studies on the subject: that’s ardently contrary to reality.
CDC Researchers discovered interesting facts when examining their own data.
The study, by CDC researchers Daniel J. Whitaker, PhD, Tadesse Haileyesus, MS, Monica Swahn, PhD and Linda S. Saltzman, PhD, found that a surprising 70% of cases of non-reciprocal violence were perpetrated by women.
The researchers studied 11,370 18- to 28-year-olds who had been in a total of 18,761 heterosexual relationships. They found that about 50% of cases of intimate partner violence were reciprocal, which they define as “perpetrated by both partners”, and 50% were non-reciprocal. Cases of violent women and non-violent men accounted for 70% of non-reciprocal cases, whereas cases of violent men and non-violent women accounted for 30% of non-reciprocal cases.
Thus: 50% of all cases of intimate partner violence among heterosexuals involve violence by both partners
35% of all cases involve a violent woman and an non-violent man
15% of all cases involve a violent man and an non-violent woman”
Women are twice as violent in relationships, yet we have the Violence Against Women Act and the “predominate aggressor policy.” You can egregiously abuse a man, including mentally, emotionally, or even physically, and if he hits you back, once, as response to anything but a near life threatening injury, he goes to jail.
One set of researchers even came out and said that it’s women’s own violent tendencies which MOST put them at risk of domestic violence. That men are actually UNLIKELY to enact violence on a woman if she does NOT do so first.
“As in many studies of IPV, the OYS found that much IPV is bidirectional (meaning both are violent), and in unidirectional abusive relationships, the women were more likely to be abusive than the men.
The study found that a young woman’s IPV was just as predictive of her male partner’s future IPV as the man’s own past IPV. In other words, whereas we often think of men as the only abusers and also as serial abusers, the OYS found that a woman’s violence against her man was as predictive of his violence to her as his own history of violence.
Moreover, the study found that men’s physical aggression changes significantly when they find a new partner. Instead of a man being either a batterer or not, often it was his female partner’s violence or nonviolence which heavily influenced whether he would be violent to her.”
In spite of all of this: when we hear the words “Domestic Violence”, we think of a man beating a defenseless woman. The reality of the situation is, not only are women twice as violent in relationships, they’re more than twice as likely to initiate violence – and, the pièce de résistance – men are literally unlikely to be violent unless women initiate violence upon them first.”
This is what men deal with, on a near constant basis. When you consider the way men are usually treated by most women, then you add in how stacked against them the legal code is regarding divorce, divorce settlements, alimony, child custody, child support payments….. Ladies, is it any wonder 70% of Millennial men are UN-married? Do you really have to ask the question? Seriously?
Ladies, some relationship advise from your friend the Observing Libertarian:
“If you treat people horribly, they will not like you. If you treat people with compassion and common courtesy, they will like you. Why do you think your partner would react any differently?”