Halloween is a time when the scariest of monsters, the high-whining femshee, shows yet again that they will find any excuse to play the victim. They display a frightening level of idiocy, bemoaning the torture of an experience they don’t actually face as an example of their phantom concept, male privilege.
What terrifying threat do women face on Halloween? Vampire boyfriends? Murderous beasts on the night of the full moon? Ghoulish stalkers? Things that go bump (and grind) in the night?
Naw… it’s far more serious than that.
Faced with stores full of costumes and components for their own costume designs, freaked out femshees everywhere have discovered that among offerings for female shoppers are a wide variety of costumes designed to show as much skin as humanly possible while still adhering (sometimes rather loosely) to the costume’s underlying theme, a display that gets noticed by… gasp… MEN!
She’s a lumberjack
Every year, hordes of shrieking femshees descend upon the Halloween scene intent on sucking all of the fun from the holiday. They wail over the sale of seductive costumes, lamenting that these are the only costumes available for women, and howling that men must ignore these market-imposed uniforms of servitude because women just don’t have any other choice. They accuse the mad capitalists of the costume manufacturing industry of trapping women in the dungeon of their own provocative nature, any sexiness achieved by wearing said costumes being strictly outside the woman’s control. They roar about objectification of women by men’s haunting stares.
Even more beastly: It’s a bald-faced lie.
There’s no evil conspiracy to commit misogyny in women’s Halloween closet! Fear not, inhabitants of the night, for you have the power to eclipse your nether regions in folds of polyester, lace, velour and even odder materials. I, Eagleyra, have braved the terrifying maze of holiday planning and found epic potential. Are women’s costumes the only ones that “objectify?”
|No true Scotsman
a sexy costume contest
to a girl
Reality: everyone has the option to self-“objectify.” Everyone also has the option not to. Your costume choices are far from limited.
You can even bring your kids.
|He’s been so good.
He listened to his deadtime story and ate all of his vegetarians,
so I let him come with me.
You see, femshees aren’t trapped alone against a wall of sexualization by a dearth of unseductive costumes. Their hunt is for the unattainable treat: A sexy looking costume which will help a wench hawk her wares without appearing to do so, giving her the power to attract without appearing to seek attention. The real issue beneath the femshee lament is that they lack the funds, the finesse, the physique, or possibly all three. Their Halloween costume complaint is not evidence of male privilege or predation, but merely another example of one of feminism’s most oft used mental tricks: Ignore part of the information to focus on that which when viewed alone can be dressed up to suit their needs. Women are not oppressed by either their choice of costume, or by being stared at because of what they’ve put on display. Noticing which choice a woman makes does not make a man some kind of a monster, even if he’s not the man she was trying to impress.
So this year I place upon all of you the curse of the independently happy woman, who need not stuff herself into a box of ill-fitting standards and desires under the guise of celebrating a holiday:
A rational thought. Own it if you’re gonna show it off, knowing that if you’re objectified, you’re doing it to yourself by your own choice. If you’re not adult enough to to accept that, you are not adult enough to wear that costume in the first place.
And you don’t have to. You could just embrace the creepy side of Halloween.
|C’mon over here and give creepy a hug!|
One more thing: Don’t take yourself too seriously. It takes all of the fun out of the holiday.
|I don’t know, Bob. I’ve only had this TV for seven days.|
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