“Hey, Badger, I had a date with a new lover of mine and he asked me to pick up dinner. Fine, but then he also asked me to pick up beer. I mean, he usually picks up dinner and surprises me with dessert. He didn’t bring dessert this time either. We had a good time, but now I’m upset. I shouldn’t have to pick up dinner and dessert. That’s not how dating goes. Does he not like me anymore?”
Sigh. Okay, let’s address the fact that he’s usually the one who brings over dinner. Have you never cooked for him in all the times he’s come over? Sounds like your boyfriend is finding out how to balance the relationship. If he has always been the one to bring dinner and even dessert while you have not offered to do either, be grateful that he’s taking the time to make requests instead of dismissing you entirely.
Why are you upset? Because he is not doing everything? “That’s not how dating goes,” you claim, but says who? Says a society built on pampering women. Well, here’s a reality dose—men deserve to be pampered too.
First, I want you to recognize that your upset stems from a feeling of superiority. In order for you to expect a man to pamper you but not even consider reciprocating, you must feel entitled to such treatment. If you enter relationships with a “What can he do for me?” expectation, then you are entitled. You’re not valuing the worth of men if you think that men have to do extra because they are men. No. A relationship is an equal experience that requires both partners to work. If you enter relationships with a “What can we experience with each other? What can I do to show him I enjoy him?” approach, then you’re on the right track. This doesn’t mean a man will not do these things for you or that you can’t make requests if the relationship is unbalanced. This means that men are generous and that it’s time for women such as yourself to become generous as well. Let’s see if we can get you there.
Here’s some homework:
Invite your boyfriend over on a day and time that is most convenient for him. If you need to move your schedule around, do it. It’s high time you accommodate him. Ask him what his favorite foods are and his favorite wine/beer. The day before the date, buy his favorite fruits, the ingredients for the dinner you’re going to COOK him, a delicious dessert (you don’t have to make this the first time—baby steps—so yes, go buy a dessert), red roses (you can also add his favorite color to the roses), candles, body oil (lavender is great as long as he’s not allergic). Make sure your place is clean, and I don’t mean shove-your-stuff-under-the-bed clean. Clean your place, especially the bathtub. I know, this should go without saying but … details.
Now, on the day of the date, timing is everything. Keep the flowers in the fridge until you need them. Prep the food and make a fruit salad with his favorite fruits. Wear something that feels comfortable for you but is also sexy. Time the meal so that it’s done just as he’s arriving, so it’s fresh and still hot. Set the table with candles, and take one of the roses and put petals on the table for decor. Have the wine/beer/champagne cooling or on the table ready.
While the food is cooking, prep the bathroom. Place candles where they fit, enough to light but not enough to start a fire—again, details. Then take a few flowers and put petals all over the floor leading to the tub. It’s okay if the petals are visible when he walks into your place or if he needs to use the bathroom. There’s more to the surprise, so it’s okay if he sees this part ahead of time if necessary.
In your room, do the same: a petal trail to the bed and well-placed candles. Make sure you save two roses: one for the bath itself and the other for him. Do NOT light the candles until you are both in the room and of course blow them out when you are not in the room. Make sure the body oil is near the bed.
When he arrives, invite him in, give him his rose, and have him sit down. He’s to do nothing but enjoy; it’s your turn to pamper him. Serve dinner and dessert with drinks. Save the fruit for later. After dinner, tell him to wait for a minute. Bring the final rose. Run the bath (or a bubble bath would be great). Crush the rose into the bath and invite him in. You undress him—again, it’s time for him to receive. Try not to jump the gun here—I know, difficult—but this is for him, so let him get into the tub. Then give him a nice sponge bath. He may want to please you at this time, men are very generous, but remind him to just relax and receive, this is about him. Get him his drink to have while he’s enjoying the tub and then bring the fruit. Let him relax as you feed him the fruit.
Let him stay as long as he wants in the tub relaxing; you can sit next to him with your drink, relaxing and waiting when he’s ready. When he’s ready to get out, bring him his towel or robe. Light up the bedroom (make sure you blow out the candles in every room you are not in), then guide him to the bed. Begin with a foot massage and work your way up into a full-body massage. Make sure you remind him to relax and receive, which can be hard sometimes for some men because sadly many men are not used to receiving this deeply, as most women have turned to expecting but not reciprocating. If he falls asleep, let him. Don’t wake him, let him enjoy. If he doesn’t fall asleep, well, I’m sure you both will have plenty of fun.
This may seem like a big leap from your “Why isn’t he always buying dinner?” but really, it’s not. I’ve provided the outline for you, and once you feel comfortable with this, you can get creative in how you show him that you care about him, that you value him, and that you’re grateful he chose you to be partners with.
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