A while back I watched a video on a Fathers’ support group in Australia. A single father in the group spoke about how his abusive and alcoholic wife had abandoned his children.
Although he mentioned how he felt alone, rejected and overwhelmed by the responsibility of raising three children with no support either socially or economically, he concluded his story by saying(paraphrased), ‘I have problems, yes, but I also know that I’m very lucky she’s out of my life and I have custody of my kids. I’m grateful for that.’
That statement reminded me of all the mothers who come out of the woodwork whenever father’s rights comes up to remind us of their ‘deadbeat ex who doesn’t pay a dime of child support.’
Well, that’s exactly why I support father’s rights. Because a single mother’s worst case scenario is a single father’s best case scenario.
Happy Father’s Day!
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Just wanted to share this story I found about a single fathers group that sprang up in Japan recently.
I’ve been married a few years now (seven actually) and in that time I’ve become intimately with my wife’s flaws, and they are not few. However, she operates under good faith and actually cares about me as a human being. I know that makes me tremendously lucky. In this culture that’s the best that I can hope for. Meanwhile I’m expected to operate under good faith and acknowledge the humanity of women I hardly know. Not that I actually have a problem with doing that, but it’s a pretty blatant indicator of my status as a second-class citizen.
“However, she operates under good faith and actually cares about me as a human being.”
Erenthia, that’s the only good trait in a person that matters. But as you say, that’s wonderful and all, but it’s not substitute for equality before the law.
“Meanwhile I’m expected to operate under good faith and acknowledge the humanity of women I hardly know.”
That may well be expected, but I have found how little enforced that expectation is. IOW they can wnat in one hand and shit in the other. In the former Czechoslovakia under the Socviets the dissidents had an expression “Living as if we are free”. They lived in as little compliance with the regime as was posible. I am finding how much of a shock it is to people when I make it clear that I do not presume good faith and gentleness and all that in women, and I will see how much they acknowledge my humanity before I acknowledge thiers. It comes as a shock because they are so used ot this kind indulgence that they forget it exists. They are shocked because they hate losing the element of surprise They are shocked because it means that they are being treated on a basis of euqlaity with men, and they hate that. And this is usually so new to them that they don’t have a reaction ready.
To be fair, I don’t think that’s actually a single mom’s worst-case scenario.
But indeed, in cases where one parent is abusive, women on average have a lot more resources and support at their disposal to handle and get out of those worst-case scenarios.
Again, to be fair, the complaints of a lot of women about their deadbeat ex-partners are valid and deserving of sympathy of support. But the fact that these particular women bring it up specifically as a way to minimize and/or disregard other people’s (in this case, men’s) suffering is a huge empathy gap.
Let me put another way. Single mothers are complaining about a situation that many single fathers would be absolutely ecstatic to be in.
“Again, to be fair, the complaints of a lot of women about their deadbeat ex-partners are valid and deserving of sympathy of support.”
Maybe. Case by case basis here.
“Let me put another way. Single mothers are complaining about a situation that many single fathers would be absolutely ecstatic to be in.”
So, so, SO true.