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A dummies guide for teenage girls on how to respect boys

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Reader Submission

Honey Badger Brigade publishes select reader submissions which are in line with our submissions policy. Publication does not constitute endorsement of the statements contained in published posts. Intellectual debate is greatly encouraged. Submissions may be sent to submissions@badgerpod.com
Avatar art by Daniel Vancise, dvancise_arts on instagram, vantooner on youtube
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By Karn33333

This is a response to “A Dummies guide for teenage boys on how to respect girls.” It was originally going to be a parody but instead took a more serious note as the writing continued.

1. Treat boys as human because that is what they are. They breathe and have feelings. Your words and actions can cause lasting damage. Think before you act and speak. Just because they don’t outwardly show every emotion they have doesn’t mean they don’t have them.

2. No sex shaming. Boys have every right to look at what they find to be sexually attractive without being shamed for it. Masturbation is perfectly natural and essential to male health and longevity. They have a right to enjoy sex without being called a pig or gross. Just because a guy finds a girl more attractive than you isn’t an invitation for you to mock or harass him about it. Male sexuality is also not an invitation to sexually assault him, either. He may have consented to you sexually touching him but that doesn’t mean he consented to you giving him “blue balls.” It’s painful, and he didn’t consent to that. If you want him to respect your body you need to respect his.

3. When boys say “No,” they mean no. Just because TV, parents, and your feminist teachers tell you all boys want is sex doesn’t make it true. Boys have every right to say no just like girls do, only when boys say “No,” unlike girls they almost always mean it. You may say one thing and mean another or “talk between the lines,” but boys are generally much more straightforward. If a boy says no, it doesn’t matter what you want at that point. You need to either stop touching him or respect his boundaries. It’s rape when you force a boy to have sex against his will.

4. Boys are equal in awareness of emotions. In fact, many boys may have emotional responses to things you don’t. They may even surpass in emotional awareness and empathy. They can even be better at you at fassion.

5. Don’t gaslight him. Don’t dress and act like a whore and then tell him he’s hateful for observing your actions. If you dress like a whore and you act like a whore, everyone is going to think you’re a whore. No matter who you are, when you go out into the world, people are going to judge you. You are going to judge them. We live in a society of people with social expectations of what is and isn’t socially acceptable. You don’t have to dress and act like a whore to get a boys attention, and if you do they will most likely get the wrong idea about you.  Also, don’t become a walking example of false advertising. Makeup is only supposed to enhance your natural beauty. If people can’t tell you are wearing makeup, chances are you have the right amount on. You don’t have to put on two coats. You’re not waxing a car.

6. Boys are not here on Earth to buy you every little thing you want. They are not your emotional baggage handler. They are not your personal slave. They don’t owe you money. It isn’t their job to buy you things. Get a job and buy your own stuff. Boys aren’t emotional playthings.

7. Boys aren’t emotional playthings. Don’t try to emotionally manipulate boys into getting what you want. Don’t use boys as decoy boyfriends to throw off your parents. It’s mean and hurtful.

8. Twilight is not real. These are characters in a book. They are not real people. The “dangerous” character who falls in love with the girl is nothing more that a whitewash of the bad boy image who will take care of his girl friend. In real life bad boys act out in all sorts of violent and destructive ways. They are only nice to you because they want something from you. Sure, it seems exciting to be with a guy who always breaks the rules, but when these angry, damaged, violent boys get mad at you (and they will as it is inevitalable in all relationships of all kinds) they will turn violent on you. To know the difference beteen a boy who will treat you right versus a boy who won’t, look at how that boy treats others who won’t benefit him. Nice boys are always nice unless you give them a reason not to be, bad boys are always bad until they have a reason to pretend other wise.

9. Take responsibility for your own actions. Nobody can convince you to do something risky without your consent. Waking up coyote ugly is not rape. Don’t be reckless with your body. You can’t expect others to respect your body when you don’t. If you’re getting black out drunk and can’t remember the night before, don’t assume the guy next to you raped you. Don’t drink if you’re underage. Don’t drink if you can’t handle alcohol.

10. Stand up for yourself and fight your own battles. Don’t tell a boyfriend to go beat someone up just because you don’t like them. Don’t lie to a boyfriend about being raped or sexually assaulted because a boy said something to you that you didn’t like, or “made you angry.” This isn’t just a lack of respect for boys it also demeans all girls who have had boys sexually assault them, because with every false claim, those girls are taken less seriously and are much less likely to be believed. Sex should never be a tool to harm someone.

11. Nobody can make you mad, glad, or sad. Nobody has control over your emotions but you. Sure others can try and manipulate your emotions, but they are still your emotions and nobody can offend you without your permission. Take control of your brain, your thoughts, and your emotions. it isn’t just about personal strength but demonstrates a level of maturity.

12. Be a kind good human being to everyone boy or girl. Everyone deserves at least some respect, but remember respect is mostly earned not given.

Karn33333 is the creator of the Water Bear Brigade (youtube)
@Karn33333 on twitter.

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Reader Submission

Honey Badger Brigade publishes select reader submissions which are in line with our submissions policy. Publication does not constitute endorsement of the statements contained in published posts. Intellectual debate is greatly encouraged. Submissions may be sent to submissions@badgerpod.com Avatar art by Daniel Vancise, dvancise_arts on instagram, vantooner on youtube

  • Nostradormouse

    This is a remarkable piece.

    I’d love to show it to my 16 year old neice. Unfortunately, when sending her $50 for her birthday, I made the mistake of saying I’d always treat her as an adult, and tell her the truth.

    My sister unfriended me on facebook in 2014 (over Feminism in case anyone hadn’t guessed), and I wasn’t prepared to undermine her domestic authority, and my not writing made me the bad guy.

    Sometimes there are no good choices available to you, and you’ve boxed yourself into treating a 16 year old girl like an adult, and being honest.

    Rule 1 also applies to Uncles.

    • Karn33333

      well, at least now I know someone other than me has actually read the article! 😀

      I’m glad you liked it and I’m sorry to hear about your niece (the fact her mom is a feminist) and that you can’t see her.

      The good news is at 18 she loses the domestic authority and thats less than 2 years away so….

      If there are any other topics you’d like me to hit I will write up more. Hannah seemed to really like my piece as well.

      • Spider

        I read it too, and posted it on my FB. Oh boy, did I get reamed. Everyone lost their minds.

        Personally I liked your article, although I disagreed on some minor points. Still…phew. You should have seen the shit show.

        That’ll teach me to post anything on FB…

        • Karn33333

          lol, I’d like to see that shit show. hell, you can direct them my way if you’d like.

          • Spider

            I’ll give you the post that people most resonated with.

            “Some things in this are good examples of how the patriarchy fucks with the male experience.

            I can go point by point.

            1) This is great. Treat boys as humans, however, don’t let boys be boys be an excuse for anger or violence at women or other boys.

            2) No sex shaming. Great start here, masturbation is a thing that people get to do and should enjoy and not be shamed for. The minute this one diverges into not giving blue balls to a guy though, fuck that. If a partner doesn’t feel comfortable moving forward during a sexual act, they are not giving you blue balls. That prioritizes your pleasure over their comfort with whatever is going on.

            3) No means no. Good start. However, implying that a woman’s no doesn’t mean no is total bullshit. That implies women are duplicitous or liars or manipulators which is bullshit.

            4) Boys have emotions. Good on ya. Now let’s focus on how male culture devalues and demonizes men who express emotion that is not anger, often implying they are women suggesting that women are lesser for feeling emotions.

            5) This is a giant pile of bullshit. Gaslighting is used incorrectly here. The writer should understand a word before they use it. Also, we live in a society where the constructed norms are male, white, and cisgender. Assuming that “normal” society should be the judge when it is so heavily gendered is incorrect. Next, getting the wrong idea about women is on men, not women. It comes from the assumption that women are there for men, and how they appear should be for men. Lastly, women can fucking dress, apply makeup, and “advertise” themselves however they fucking want to. The assumption that makeup should be so that a man knows what he is getting is bullshit.

            6) Again this is a giant fucking shitshow of patriarchy here. It is implying women are disingenuous, manipulative, and don’t work. There’s a whole bunch of things around labor here that is also bullshit. Men should also own their own emotional baggage, not think they can buy women with gifts, etc.

            7) Again assuming women are manipulative and controlling. That they are out to get men. Bullshit.

            8) This is a nice thought. Although it entirely skips whole works of studies around how fucked up abusive relationships are, how hard it is to leave them, etc.

            9) This is basically victim blaming for actions men take without any where near the same amount of risk or blame placed on them. There’s a giant pile of rape culture bullshit sewn into this one.

            10) Patriarchy is rampant here. First, that fighting is the correct answer. Next, that women are manipulative and lie about rape or sex to control men which is statistically nearly a lie. False claims are nearly nonexistent and the fact that they get blown out of proportion and that actual claims of rape go vastly underreported and rarely prosecuted or punished makes number 10 a steaming pile of bullshit.

            11) Great thought here. Also our control of our emotions isn’t just a giant act of will. This ignores a large body of research that shows that our environment, our body, etc. can influence our emotions. It also puts the onus of other people not being assholes on the oneself which is bullshit. Being offended is not a crime, particularly when the offense is impinging upon someone’s sense of safety, harming someones emotional state due to former trauma, etc.

            12) Awww such an empty statement to close with. Not everyone deserves respect, particularly this author whose opinions belittle women. Nor does everyone deserve being nice to, if you’re an asshole I’m going to call you out. This is basically the author attempting to gaslight women.

            *mic drop*”

          • Karn33333

            oh, I forgot to mention…. I made a youtube video addressing these statements… feel free to drop it in the comment section to the feminist who wrote that crap. lol.

      • Nostradormouse

        Lamentably, Mama ex-patriated in her 20s, and is now a tenured Professor in one of your country’s fine establishments of higher learning. A private English education imbued her with one of those voices that cuts right through you, and at a very profound level, expects to be listened to.

        The only hope I have is that my neice studies a STEM degree, which puts my next conversation with her at least six years hence, if she has the native intelligence to de-foo herself.

        Re: other topics, how about suggesting to girls that they decide on some life objectives, then find a woman whose life course and trajectory they wish to emulate, and actually ask how they got there.

        Advice from teachers on life choices is all very well, but one should consider the source of the advice. If the teacher is unmarried, childless, doctrinaire, unattractive, or their life pattern is not congruent with your plans, consider the source of the data.

  • http://www.genderratic.com/ Ginkgo

    Excellent, tightly written article. I love these flip the gender pieces because compare and contrast really works with people. You mobilize judgments and conclusions they have already made.

    • Karn33333

      thank you, I’m glad you liked my writing. I’m going to do one on all the things feminist call rape next. I hope… you should look up my YT channel, I made a response video to their list before I wrote this.

      • http://www.genderratic.com/ Ginkgo

        And you might also look at all the things they don’t call rape and isolate the distinguishing feature. Hint – it will probably involve a lot of female rapists and male victims. Look for tap-dancing on the subject of teacher rapists. You might also look at how the rape accusation at Amherst was handled where the female complainant said in her own statement that he was drunk and he in fact had no memory of having had sex, yet she pushed her accusation that in fact he had raped her and he was expelled.

  • phlargh

    Generally I agree with most of what was said here. I do have to take exception with point #5. You can’t ask others to not sex shame and then repeatedly throw around the word “whore” about how someone dresses. Personally, If I see someone walking around showing a lot of skin I’m going to look at them. But that doesn’t make them a “whore”.

    • Karn33333

      and dressing a certain way doesn’t necessarily make them a whore, but I didn’t say they were whores, I said if they dress like a whore, they might give others the wrong impression. I never said they were whores or shamed them if they were whores.