[The names of the survivors in the following have been concealed and given anonymity for their own safety, well-being and fear of retaliation for speaking out]
“The incident deeply affected me, to be honest. I wake weeping in the night sometimes, after dreaming my tongue has been taken by a mad Canadian, and I no longer frequent beer gardens.”
Rape Culture at the second International Conference on Men’s Issues, ICMI16 in London. For years we have heard that the men’s movement is nothing sexism, misogyny, and rape apologia, and for years we have just ignored it. For years I ignored it because I just couldn’t see it. All I could see was the men’s issues, until within 3 days, being the first time I ever saw an MRA that wasn’t in the mirror, I was sexually assaulted not once, not twice, but FIVE times, within three days. And I want to make this clear, I’m not talking about ALL MRA’s, there’s lots, maybe most who genuinely have good intentions who only want to address men and boys human rights issues, such as;
- Male Genital Mutilation
- Reproductive Rights
- Parental Rights
- Gendered Domestic Violence policies (The Duluth Model)
- Discriminatory Family courts
- Discriminatory Justice System
- Discriminatory healthcare practices
- Discriminatory Education System
- Parental Alienation Syndrome
However, it cannot be denied there is a serious problem within this community, and to ignore it with denial and “Not All Men’s Rights Activists Are Like That”, then you are not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.
A large percentage of this community says they care about these issues when really they are merely using them as an excuse to hide and justify their predatory and misogynistic behavior. And this can’t be said enough, we’re not talking about some fringe minority here, with many of these people we’re talking about highly influential people within the Men’s Rights Movement, people who are followed by Tens of Thousands of MRAs, people who were even speakers at this conference themselves.
Now I’m all for anonymity when accused of crimes, however, the line I draw is when one is too many. I mean, if we do not shine a spotlight on these dangerous people, then god knows how many more will be victims of them in future. In order to keep people safe, we must name and shame predators, each one worse than the last.
And let’s be clear what we are talking about, we’re talking about Rape Culture, which is defined as:
“A culture in which rape and other sexual violence are common and in which prevalent attitudes, norms, practices, and media condone, normalize, excuse, or encourage sexualized violence.”
Read this article, read the responses from these people when they’re called out on their actions, and most importantly, pay attention to the mainstream media response to all of this, and honestly see if you can tell yourself that we don’t live in a Rape Culture.
Our first assailant, who literally started right away was one;
Suzy Louis McCarley, the Chief Public Relations Officer at A Voice for Men.
Imagine flying all the way from Romania to the UK, and when you get there you have to give a speech? Do you think you’d feel in the mood to give someone attention, or do you think you’d just want to go to bed and rest? I very much doubt you’d feel like being verbally and physically sexually assaulted.
Well that is what happened to one Romanian attendant with long hair.
As soon as she saw this poor travel-weary man and realised he didn’t jump up and run to greet her when he saw her coming, she went up to him and without his consent put her arms around his back and pushed her breasts into his chest, and then presided to call him an “asshole.” This type of sexual assault is what is known in slang as a “cuddle”, a “hug” or in some extreme cases a “struggle snuggle”.
When she was asked to comment if she found this type of behavior acceptable, she responded:
“Oh, I hugged all of my buddies. I, of course, expected to be fawned over.”
This sort of entitled mentality to other people’s bodies or affection is a classic example of Toxic Masculinity.
This type of sexual assault by far wasn’t the worst that happened at ICMI16, but it was very common, and what was more common was the attitude that grabbing someone with your arms and thrusting your body into theirs without their enthusiastic and affirmative consent was just A-Okay. Some of them couldn’t recognise what they were doing, yet some of them new exactly what they were doing, and were glad that they were!
Natoya Raymond, Assistant At The Erin Pizzey Foundation
She “Hugged” one, and stare raped another. When she was asked to comment on her sexual assaults, she didn’t even deny it:
“[Name retracted] and me had a very long sniggly hug. I sexually assaulted a ginger guy called tom with my eyes. He was delicious.”
This perpetrator shows no remorse, both for violating a man’s body with her hands, and objectifying another with her eyes. God only knows what else she has done.
Karen Mac Fly, a German mostly online activist
The only one who assaulted me twice. I’ve known Karen online for quite some time, so I was glad to meet her in person at the conference, until I saw a side to her that hurt me. On the final day of the Conference the Honey Badgers wanted an interview of us, just like they had interviews of others in pairs.
However, for us the day was getting late, and we didn’t know where the Badgers where, so we decided to go and look for them. However, before we could go Karen insisted that I finish off her 3nd of a pint of larger.
I didn’t want to drink it, for I already had enough, but she pressured me multiple times by saying “you drink it”, and “but I’m a girl” when I suggested she finish off her own drink by reminding her that she’s German.
I didn’t say how I felt, and I agreed with what she asked, but you could see with the expression on my face that I was not consenting and didn’t want it, yet she either didn’t pay enough attention or didn’t care. Pressuring people to drink alcohol is a very rapey thing to do. Plus, I think she spiked it with something.
And I wasn’t even the only one, she also bought an absurdly tall Texan, who may or may not have also been a speaker, a drink against his will too, and is quoted as replying to his protest as saying “shit happens.” Makes you wonder, how many other victims has she forced alcoholic drinks on?
And to top it off, she “hugged” me before we said our good byes. It was the last time I got assaulted in that way that night, but it wasn’t the first like that that night. I was still very much in shock, so when she went to put her arms around me and press her body into mine, I just froze up.
And again, if she paid super close attention to the expression on my face, and maybe took a body language psychology course, then she would have clearly seen that I wasn’t consenting, despite that I didn’t say No, and appeared to be giving a physical Yes on first glance.
I cried into my pillow that night, feeling so violated. I don’t think I’ll ever trust another person I only knew online ever again.
Hannah Wallen, co-founder of Honey Badger Radio and photographer for ICMI16
I was reasonably drunk and shocked, both because of the actions of Karen, so I don’t remember if Hannah tried to “hug” me or not in my vulnerable inebriated state.
However, since I’m not sure, I’m going to follow the advice of Alison Saunders and not only assume she did sexually assault me, but I think I’m also going to seek advice from a rape counsellor. Especially in her own words when she was asked to comment days later the answer she gave was
“Sexual assaults? I hugged everyone I could get my hands on. Also, I shot several people. (With my camera, of course.)”
Clearly a very dangerous individual. But it’s worse than that. On top of all of that, she was also verbally and emotionally abusive to nearly everyone who attended. During the mass shooting that she was organising, she was displaying uncouth Bossy behaviour. Shouting at the top of her lungs, and ordering people to move more to the Right (or her Left), so everyone was in the shade so she could successfully shoot them all. Some in the crowd who emotionally were quite triggered, myself being one of them, responded to her and told her to “stop being Bossy”, and her response was
“Oh, you bet I’m Bossy”,
with not a care in world to the emotional damage she was causing. It was bad enough that we had Applause and even Standing Ovations at the Conference as opposed to Jazz Hands, but all of that Bossy Shouting as well… it was just too much, and the ICMI16 organisers provided no such needed emergency safe space facilities at all. Ultimately this is the primary issue the United Nations Human Rights Council need to work on addressing, so no one else must suffer from such inhumane triggering conditions ever again.
Janice Fiamengo, Professor of English at University of Ottawa, and one of the Speakers
The first abuser to sexually assault me at the conference. Someone I looked up to and followed for years, I was so shocked… I don’t think I’ll look at her the same way ever again.
I tried to get a picture with her for two days, yet could never find the time, except at the last minute just after the mass shooting, and just before she was getting ready to leave. I asked someone to take the photo of us, and they kindly did… and that was when it happened.
Still triggered from Hannah’s Bossy aggressiveness, but trying to put a smile on it to make it seem like everything was okay, Janice covertly out of shot snuck one of her arms around my lower back and placed her hand on my waist. I tried not to make a big deal of it, because I didn’t want to make a scene. With an awkward smile on my face, I was thinking to myself “Is this really happening?! Why is she doing this?! Why won’t my body let her stop?!”
And she knew, she just didn’t care;
“Also put my arm around a number of men’s waists during photos. I admit it. I didn’t ask first, I just went ahead. I couldn’t help myself.”
But it gets worse, she didn’t just grope anyone she could, oh no, she also repeatedly hugged at least two others, one being that absurdly tall Texan, and another who can only be described as the ginger Doc Brown, who may or may not have also been a speaker.
But hey, if that isn’t enough for you, how about domestic violence?
At 28:32 you can clearly see her (bottom right) touching and flaunting her husband without any consent, which she did numerous times throughout the conference. Just because you are married to someone doesn’t make them your property, which she most likely sees him as. He couldn’t be found for comment, but whenever I saw him he seemed happy enough, and didn’t really say anything, but kept quiet and let her do all the speaking. Psychological domestication of a spouse is a grievous thing to do, and who knows what else is behind those closed doors.
Alison Tieman, co-founder of Honey Badger Radio
In terms of numbers, the most despicable one I could find, with a total of 26 sexual assaults. She hug raped me, she hug raped “At least a couple dozen“ others, and she forced alcohol on one Trans Doge.
Now to her credit, she did ask me for consent before grabbing me and violating my personal space. However, it was illegitimate consent, for I was slightly drunk and still traumatised. The onus was on her to find out if my consent was legitimate or not, yet for some crazy reason she thinks I should be held responsible for my own actions… victim blamer.
Janet Bloomfield, founder of judgybitch.com, and one of the speakers
If you thought that lot were bad, you haven’t seen anything yet. Truly, this woman should be in jail, and possibly genitally mutilated to stop her from doing anything like this again, as the sexual predator she is.
With one of her victims, who incidentally was a nice Scotsman who has a name that rhymes with HoodSeller, this absolute cunt walked over to him and without invitation rested her back side on top of his lap and genitalia.
When he was asked about it; “Yes, I didn’t mind”, he said with tears running down his face… I assume.
With another she refused to take no for an answer, and would not let him go; “Janet held my hand a little too long at the very end as I said goodbye”, even describing the situation as “Hand Rape”.
The worst one, which I saw with my own eyes, was her sexually harassing one of the nicest men you’ll ever meet, who just doesn’t swing that way, but as if she cared about what he wanted. He was smiling, but it looked more awkward than anything. Refusing to take no for an answer, against his consent she even sold maybe a dozen or two of his books, which incidentally is called Stand by Your Manhood, which you can find on amazon for under £15.00.
How about a little more groping? Grabbing the ass of another speaker in a pink shirt, who was only 19 years old;
“Janet Bloomfield also grabbed my ass at one point. When I was walking back to the main room from giving my speech, Janet pinched my ass and said “great job”” .
You hear about this type of sexual harassment from your superiors in the movies, yet nothing can really prepare you when you see it right on your own doorstep.
Won’t somebody please think of the children, and deal with this monstrous danger to society!
Karen Straughan, co-founder of Honey Badger Radio, and one of the speakers
And at last, the single most uncouth, reprehensible, no-good dirtbag who you will ever have the displeasure of knowing, being a fool mouthed drunken Canadian and serial rapist.
Just after Alison hug raped me, Karen thought she’d have a go, while drunkenly shouting to someone across the room.
And I wasn’t alone, she did the same to HoodSeller; “Karen hugged me, I didn’t give her consent”.
She also committed stare rape; “I think Karen eye raped me a few times but it didn’t hurt.” But it didn’t hurt? Why it’s almost like most of these survivors don’t know that they were actually victimized.
How about unconsensual kissing? That same 19 year old speaker in the pink shirt;
“I asked for a photo with Karen, and she told me to unbutton my shirt. Then, as I took the photo, she kissed me on the cheek, surprising me.”
While drinking, she also orally penetrated a bystander who was in total shock;
“We were in the beergarden at the Travelodge? I think the conversation was about anaesthetic and the effects it has on people, although I was just an outside participant, at most. Karen was sat just in front and to the side of me.
Suddenly she stood up, said something like “it was like this”, and to my total shock, brutally straddled me, pushed my head back, and ordered me to “OPEN YOUR MOUTH! MOVE YOUR TONGUE!” She backed away a bit and said “And that’s what I woke up to in the dentists” or something like that.
I was in shock, to be honest. I love Karen but sometimes when she has a few drinks, the demons are just unleashed and she can’t resist bowing to her dental anaesthesia fantasies.
The incident deeply affected me, to be honest. I wake weeping in the night sometimes, after dreaming my tongue has been taken by a mad Canadian, and no longer frequent beer gardens.”
And if that isn’t enough, how about organised prostitution? Myself and a 19 year old with an obsession with dinosaurs and sunglasses was propositioned by one Karen Straughan. Lucky, I managed to record an audio of this assault.
Viewers discretion is advised.
Needless to say both of us were appalled to say the least. In fact, the other was so upset he could not find words to describe what happened to him.
In total, all this adds up to 48 confirmed acts of sexual assault, and as we know, those are just the ones we know about, so in reality the real number is ten times higher.
And considering only about 200 people attended, that means on average 240% of attendees were sexually assaulted, that’s One in Negative Two Point Four… and people still doubt the One in Five stat.
All I know is I now don’t feel clean.
Rape Culture is real, and if you want evidence, just pay attention to the response to this, either laughter or looking the other way.
After spending a number of years arguing over these issues online, he soon came to the conclusion that if you want to defeat insanity, you must voice insanity.
-"Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows."