The following is taken from an article by Psychology Today. 12 ways to spot a misogynist man.
I very characteristically felt inspired by that psychology today article, which I found -not- terribly biased. I would tend to agree that the behaviors discussed – are not necessarily proof, but are tells that a guy is potentially misogynist.
This is a list of indicators, meaning behaviors to be watchful for. Also keep in mind, that if you look up the classic behaviors of narcissistic personalities as defined by the DSM-5 criteria for narcissistic personality disorder: Narcissists will actually elicit MOST of these behaviors. Differentiating between the two can be very problematic. You could decry someone a narcissist for acting in the ways these indicators describe: when they’re a full blown, dyed in the wool misogynist. Or, more likely, you may be dealing with a narcissist and incorrectly labeling them a misogynist.
Misogynist is probably a co-opted term, in this context. I would say these do not necessarily reveal that the man in question hates women – but rather that he not only has no respect for women – or more specifically, has disrespect for women. I most often have a lack of respect: in that if said person has done nothing worthy of respect – they will still receive common courtesy from me – but not respect. This is a concept that is sadly lacking in today’s culture. Respect should be earned, common courtesy should be provided and manners should be adhered to. These behaviors, by contrast, are specifically disrespectful. Which may or may not show an inherent resentment or even possibly a hatred of women.
There’s all kinds of gray areas involved: and defining the truth of someone else’s nature is a muddy and murky process best left to professionals. There’s a terrific line in the movie 3:10 to Yuma, “Even bad men love their Mamas.” The concept of a man who actually HATES women, is actually very rare. Resentment, however: is neither common nor rare. However: I am a strong proponent of the concept of safe guarding yourself from potentially harmful or toxic people. Be aware, be observant and do not allow yourself to be manipulated and mentally or emotionally abused by toxic people: no matter their gender.
Yeah, yeah yeah I know; you may have noticed MY article “MGTOW – A Boycotting of Women” and I’m supposed to be the misogynist. Yet here I am actively telling women to be on the look out for men who could be potentially harmful to them mentally or emotionally. I do care about women: because I’m a Humanist, I care about people. I care that manipulators manage to worm their way into people’s lives and then infect those people with toxicity. I don’t like to see people harmed, for as much as feminists would like to exclaim otherwise. I treat women like human beings and I care about people. I don’t want to see them harmed, or know that they’re in emotionally abusive relationships.
Having said that however: I decided to take the Pepsi challenge and compare myself to this article. Time for some inflection, and accountability. Am I secretly a misogynist?
You know, I detest trigger warnings. I really do, conceptually. However, I’m going to provide one. Some of the behaviors listed in the psychology today article discuss sexuality. Now, I basically have no shame. So be forewarned, I will in a couple of parts discuss sexuality in a very frank manner. The way I see it, there’s billions of people meandering about on this planet, so obviously sexuality is really rather common. So being shameful or timid about sexuality makes no sense at all. I couldn’t put it more simply than that, because guess what: your parents schtupped like monkeys. That is in fact why and how you are here, in case you didn’t know.
Your parents, your grand parents, your great grandmother you called “Nana” who knitted you sweaters – got her freak on, probably more than once. Sorry if that manged to burst your bubble, but you wouldn’t be here otherwise. So, just know that I’m a MGTOW. I don’t date women, therefore what you read is not me bragging. I’m just that apathetic to the topic. I first learned about the “birds and the bees” when I was 7 years old and went to watch Tango & Cash, because that was what was in the VCR when I went to bed the previous evening. Instead of Tango & Cash, it was something my parents had watched while engaging in some extra curricular activities. That really rather took most of the mystery out of sexuality at that point.
That being said, lets get to the list, and find out if I got myself a case of My Soggy Knees!
1 He will zero in on a woman and choose her as his target. Her natural defenses may be down because he’s flirtatious, exciting, fun, and charismatic at first.
MGTOW: I don’t closely associate with women. I don’t employ narcissistic methods to convince women that I’m super charming. I’ll have friendly conversations with women, only if in public, within earshot of other people so that I can’t be accused of sexual harassment. Item 1: not guilty.
2 As time goes on, he begins to reveal a Jekyll & Hyde personality. He may change quickly from irresistible to rude, and from rude back to irresistible.
Once again: MGTOW. I don’t closely associate with women. Also I’m not prone to rapid mood shifts. I’m on the autistic scale, I’m an extreme logical thinker. People acting irrationally simply confuse me. This is a behavior that is quite inherently not in my nature. I try to be polite or at the very least courteous to everyone I come into contact with: even people I specifically don’t like. I was raised with good manners. Item 2: not guilty.
3 He will make promises to women and often fail to keep them. With men, on the other hand, he will almost always keep his word.
Generally speaking I don’t make promises to anyone. It’s just not something I do. If however I say I’m going to do something, I do, unless something prevents me from doing so. Also, being MGTOW, and not closely associating with women, there’s simply no opportunity to actually display a disparity between how often I keep my word to women as compared to men. Even if that weren’t the case, when I give my word, it becomes a matter of principle and honor. I am known for being a very reliable person to everyone I come across. I hold my reputation in high regards, so I always go the distance to keep my word – no matter who it was given to, women included. Item 3: not guilty.
4 He will be late for appointments and dates with women, but be quite punctual with men.
That’s just rude. I wouldn’t do that. I’m always early anytime I have an appointment of some kind to keep. Before becoming MGTOW, I can say with absolute certainty – I was never late for a date. Item 4: not guilty.
5 His behavior toward women in general is grandiose, cocky, controlling, and self-centered.
I know exactly the type of guys this one is talking about. Those are the God’s Gift to Women, think they’re all that, narcissistic douche-bags. Yeah… no. Not me, sorry. I’m not even remotely like those type of guys. That’s the kind of guy who literally thinks you owe him something just because he’s deemed you worthy of spending time with you. I was with my last girlfriend for over 6 years: I never thought she owed me anything, I didn’t treat her nicely because I wanted something out of it, it gave me personal satisfaction just making her happy: mentally, emotionally or physically. It made me feel more fulfilled, as a person: to know I had made her happy.
I’m not particularly unattractive and I always treated each one of my former girlfriends right. I enjoyed being nice to my former girlfriends. We’d go places, do things, I’d buy her little gifts that I thought she’d like. Breakfast in bed. I sent her little texts with portions of song lyrics that reminded me of her or that communicated things I wanted to express to her. When my last girlfriend had a stomach ache I sat on the floor with her on the couch and gently massaged her stomach till she felt better. So I’m a pretty decent guy, but no I’m not god’s gift to women, I don’t think women do or should worship me, none of that nonsense. Item 5: not guilty.
6 He is extremely competitive, especially with women. If a woman does better than him socially or professionally, he feels terrible. If a man does better, he may have mixed feelings about it but he is able to look at the situation objectively.
There’s plenty of women who do things better than me, or I would assume so. There’s freaking what, several billion people kicking around this planet? I’m sure there’s fucking billions of people, of both genders, third gender, neutral gender, etc. etc., who do this that and the other thing way better than me. Do I give a rat’s ass? Uh no, sorry, I do not. I don’t actually comprehend how people can get so worked up over things like that. So someone else does something better.
It’s a guarantee that whenever person A does something better than person B, person B will be capable of doing something else better than person A. So why the fuck get all bent out of shape? It does not make sense to me. It really doesn’t. I don’t get it and I don’t care. Whatever that is in people which makes them so goddamned ego fragile that they feel threatened by someone doing something better than them, I don’t have that. Someone else does something better than me, good – you do this bullshit and I’ll go do something else. Teamwork, productivity. Or hell, woman A does whatever activity B better than me, awesome! Show me how you do it and I’ll do it the way you do it so that I can get better at it. I simply do not conceptually understand this behavior. Item 6: not guilty.
7 He will unknowingly treat women differently from men in workplace and social settings, allowing men various liberties for which he will criticize female colleagues or friends.
Actually I am just the opposite of this. I’m more likely to call out men for disruptive or non-conducive behavior because women are protected by H.R. department. Being that women are protected by human resources departments, any inherently disruptive behavior from the men can cause new restrictions and penalties to be laden against all the other men. We are all treated as guilty by association, and we are all collectively punished for the misdeeds of the few. Moreover, I specifically don’t criticize women for disruptive behavior in the work place because it would make me a target for catty gossip bullshit that I don’t want to deal with. So no, I am the exact opposite of this. Item 7: not guilty.
8 He will be prepared (unconsciously) to use anything within his power to make women feel miserable (8A). He may demand sex or withhold sex in his relationships (8B), make jokes about women or put them down in public (8C), “borrow” their ideas in professional contexts without giving them credit (8D), or borrow money from them without paying them back (8E).
This breaks down into several things, so I’ve added numbers.
8A: Absolutely not. That’s just mean. I don’t like mean spirited people, the smile while they say something nasty type of people. The little back biting comments. I see women do that to OTHER women, a LOT, and I always find it disgusting. I don’t like to even be around people like that at all. That is fucking horrible.
8B: I’m circumcised and have a lot of nerve damage as a result – I don’t reach orgasm during sex. I have no problem maintaining an erection so long as activity is going on, but I don’t reach climax. Therefore I’ve never really had that physical need I hear other people describe. It’s fun, it’s an enjoyable activity, good way to kill an hour an a half. I do appreciate the female body, I enjoy seeing a woman naked. I also get a kick out of getting a woman to make those little noises when I- Anyway, the only thing I get from sex is a kind of feeling of closeness and intimacy after it’s over and an ego boost from having satisfied my partner. However, I’ve never either demanded sex, nor denied it. Even while she was on her period. We just put down a towel. Ha, matter of fact – I once grossed out a few thousand people in an MMO I was playing. It was fantastic, the subject matter of women on their period came up and someone mentioned the David Lynch song “Down To the Old Pub Instead“. Well, I decided to regale these fine people with my worldly wisdom. “What’s life without a little bloodshed? If she’s in the mood, and flowing red, put a towel on the bed.” This was a busy server, in a popular MMO, at peek hours – the /1 chat was dead for 30 seconds before one guy said “nasty bro” and the next comment was “What the FUCK did I just read?” Good times … good times.
8C: This is really related to 8A. When it comes to jokes, or joking with someone. There’s the petty, snarky, snide, pricks (male and female) who say something really mean spirited and spiteful, and hateful: meant to hurt someone’s feelings – and then they say they’re just joking. I fucking hate those people. When I tease someone: it’s NEVER something harmful, or hurtful. I won’t even tease someone on an issue I think COULD hurt their feelings. I have friends who are over weight: I have never and would never tease them ABOUT their weight – and i don’t care if “they’re fine” with jokes like that or not; I would simply never do it. When I tease someone, it’s something jovial and light-hearted that they can laugh about: and then return a joke towards me in the same manner. We tease each other, we all have a good laugh and we chill out. My friends and coworkers tolerate me being a know it all because I also like to hang out, tell jokes and get everyone to laugh and have a good time. I don’t make “jokes” to hurt people’s feelings, that’s mean and it’s repugnant to me.
8D: That’s straight up plagiarism. It’s unethical and it could get you fucking FIRED. Credit where credit is due, that’s what I say. I congratulate people when they come up with good ideas, and I actually really enjoy brain storming for someone else’s project. We discuss what the goal is, what the idea is, and then I try to help think up ways to improve the concept or enhance it in some way. I won’t take credit at all. I like doing that, I like helping others and I like having others appreciate my help. I enjoy helping other people, and I don’t mind not getting credit for whatever work I contributed to them. It makes me feel good to help others. I derive a great deal of personal satisfaction from contributing to the work of other people, to help them advance in their projects.
8E: I rarely borrow money from people, and when I do, I usually pay them more than what’s owed as a form of thanks. I forgot to buy smokes on my way to work one night, asked my co worker who was getting off if he could pick me up a pack of my brand from the store and bring them back to me. The cost was $6.80, I gave him a $20 bill 3 days later. Just as a “hey, thanks for doing me a favor, here’s a little extra, have a drink on me.” I used to work with more female coworkers than I do now, I used to bum a smoke every so often but the next time I’d see her out having one I’d pay her back 2 from my pack for every 1 of hers. All of item 8: not guilty.
9 On a date, he will treat a woman the opposite of how she prefers. If she is an old-style lady who prefers a “gentleman” who holds the door for her, orders for both and pays for the meal, he will treat her like one of his male buddies, order for himself, and let her pay for the whole meal if she offers (and sometimes even if she doesn’t). If she is a more independent type who prefers to order her own meal and pay for herself, he will rudely order for both and pay the check while she goes to the bathroom.
…That’s just weird. I was a traditionalist while I was dating. Man picks up the check. I paid for the movies, I paid for the dinners, I was raised in a strict household and taught to be a gentleman. I still hold the door open for women, even now that I’m MGTOW. Also, why try and order for someone else? That doesn’t even make sense to me: what if you order something they don’t like? It would completely ruin the date, that’s just dumb. Or holy shit: what if you order something they’re allergic to? Someone could have an allergy you don’t know about, and because you ordered it they may not know if it has something in it they can’t tolerate: pretty soon they’re going into anaphylactic shock and dying right there by the table. “Game over man, game over!” No no no no, for the love of Christ, Allah or fucking Valhalla: do not do that! Son of a bitch. No. Bad idea! Item 9: not guilty.
10 Sexually, he likes to control women and gives little or no attention to their sexual pleasure. Foreplay, if it occurs at all, is only a necessary means to an end. He likes oral sex but only as a recipient. His favorite positions enable him to avoid looking the woman in her eyes.
I am so the opposite of this. Read the above regarding sex. My last girlfriend and I, hell, I’d spend a half hour getting her off multiple ways before I unzipped my pants. I don’t reach orgasm during sex, so I used to derive pleasure from getting the woman off multiple times. By the way, when a man fails to satisfy his woman it’s a blow to his ego. yet when a woman fails to satisfy a man, Holy Fuck, you’d think he committed a capital crime. As if “how dare you not climax from my magic vagina?” Not being able to reach orgasm during sex, has negatively effected most of my relationships, so much to the point where I started faking. Even if she was on the pill or IUD I’d use a condom, because then I could fake orgasm and she’d never know. It’s for this reason, early in my dating life, I quite specifically stopped allowing women to give me oral. I never shied away from giving but I quite specifically didn’t receive: no one complained.
Also, the whole not looking a woman in the eyes thing is weird to me: I really like seeing her face, seeing her eyes, watching her enjoy herself. I really enjoy seeing a woman enthralled in her sexuality, that does it for me. I mean I like checking out a woman’s body, I most certainly appreciate the female form, but to see her really delving into her own sexuality is just tremendously arousing to me. I would often ask to watch a woman masturbate BEFORE we started doing things together because seeing a woman really engaging her sensuality and sexuality is such a profound turn on. Item 10: not guilty.
11 He will cheat on women he is dating or in a relationship with. Monogamy is the last thing he feels he owes a woman.
Never cheated, and I maintained a long distance relationship with one woman for 6 years: we’d talk on the phone, skype, webcam, texting and I’d visit her once a year with my two weeks paid vacation. Never cheated. Never really wanted to. I have low standards on beauty (from what people have told me) and place a much greater emphasis on the person. Smart, funny, nice, kind, caring, compassionate. Sorry to say, I’m just not interested in most women. I find plenty of women physically attractive, but then I talk to them – and it’s just… ugh… nevermind. So when I was with this girl, even long distance… I just didn’t have any inclination to cheat. I mean, it would be immoral and unethical to do so first off, but plainly and simply I wasn’t even tempted. Item 11: not guilty.
12 He may suddenly disappear from a relationship without ending it, but may come back three months later with an explanation designed to lure the woman back in.
I have never re-dated someone I previously dated, I have also never simply gone out of contact. I don’t do that. If you’re going to end a relationship – you end it. You don’t just drift off into oblivion, that’s rude. When you end the relationship, you discuss why: what you found alluring and endearing about that person and why you’ve decided you no longer wish to be committed to them: for whatever reason. Then you allow that person to do the same: it provides closure.
That can be very important for a person’s mental and emotional development, don’t deny someone the opportunity to learn from a life experience and change as a result. Not only that, but when you open the floor for them to relay what they liked or dislike about you, it provides YOU insights that can help you grow and further develop as a person as well. You owe that closure to your former companion, don’t deny them the opportunity for personal growth and certainly don’t deny yourself the opportunity to grow either. Item 12: not guilty.
Well, that’s all of ’em. I don’t do any of this, shucks. I guess I don’t my soggy knees, which means when I express overt discontent towards feminists…. It’s just because I think most of them are horrible people engaged in advocating an ideological structure entirely built upon falsehoods, lies, deceits, obfuscations and out right ardent prejudice.
So here today, I have decided to come out of the closet: I am not a misogynist…..and the feminists can fuck – right – off.