IT’S SHIT LIKE THIS, FEMINISTS – This Is Why Male Rape Survivors Don’t Come Forward (or Gendered Victim-Blaming)

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Background: James Landrith was a 22-year-old active duty Marine 25 years ago when he showed mercy to the pregnant wife of a friend and sheltered her for the night, and then awoke to find her straddling him, with his penis in her, raping him. She threatened him with rape charges if he ever reported her rape of him. He knew he – a fit, young Marine – would have exactly zero chance of ever being believed, and even if her were believed, of ever having her rape of him regarded as rape. He was in the real rape culture, where women have unimpeded access and a full right to a man’s body.

He finally went public in 2008 and posted this article on his blog. Then it was picked up on Pajamas Media, a rather right-leaning group blog. The comments section became a cesspit of knuckle-dragging victim-blaming and sexist denialism, led by quite a few men, although one especially toxic commenter was a woman. Naturally his strongest supporters were female rape victims.

And just to prove there is no daylight between right-wing gender traditionalists and radfem gender traditionalists, at least on the subject of rape, this has kicked up again. This time the knuckle-dragging rape denialist man-haters came right after James:

Well, today I was treated to some of the worst victim-blaming I’ve received yet from rape denialists and self-appointed gender police. I’m so tired of this garbage. Why is this okay? Why is this tolerated? Why are so many people still pretending that this shit doesn’t happen to male survivors as well? I’m over being nice. I’m over tolerating the excuse-making bystanders and the colluders. I’m over all of it.

THIS * is why so many male rape survivors stay silent. THIS is why so many of our lives end prematurely and violently – especially those who deal with MST (Military Sexual Trauma). THIS is why most of us will NEVER tell ANYONE. THIS is why so many of us will never heal. THIS is why it appears that so many male survivors seem absent in the fight against sexual violence. Not only do we have to fight against the same victim-blaming from low IQ knuckle-dragging troglodytes that female survivors deal with regularly, we are also targeted often by women who have decided that men can’t be raped and if they are – then they are liars who must be bullied, mocked, harassed and shouted down into shameful silence.

 

* Yes, these links all go to James’ article. I couldn’t get to the sites he was linking to because of a filter issue but even if I had been able, go to his site anyway. He deserves the hits.

James continues:

I’m trying not to hate. I’m trying to calm down. It is going to be really difficult. I don’t know how successful that will be going forward. People are too damned evil and some of them are just plain worthless. Male survivors, just like our sisters in healing, have a lot of work ahead to fight these types of sick, disgusting, worthless excuses for humanity. For now, I’m just going to have to feel these emotions and try to keep on target. I’m not going anywhere and I’m not shutting up, but I am pissed off and beyond my levels of tolerance for disgusting asshattery right now. Please understand and let me breathe through it. I’m not sure how not to be pissed off right now. I need to accept that.

This all happens in a wider context of trivialization of male rape, smearing of male rape victims as liars, whiners, less-than-men or right on to accusing them of being the rapist in the rape, as John Markley catalogues here. How’s that for victim-blaming and rape denial and rape apology?

As John goes on to say, “Like many feminists, much of what Murphy says parallels traditionalist attitudes, but here mere parallel gives way to outright convergence.”

This is the issue for feminists: If these vile rape apologist articles are not representative of feminism, then feminists need to say more than “That’s not my feminism.” – much more. Because we are not talking about your precious feminism, we are talking about everyone’s feminism, the feminism of all feminists, and if this is in some way unrepresentative of the movement as a whole, then feminists need to say explicitly that this anti-feminist and that these people are anti-feminist, that they are not feminists at all. Anything less is solidarity with these vile, contemptible people if you still, despite failing to condemn them, call yourself by the same title they call themselves.

So far though it has been a womanist rather than a feminist who has been the clearest on the issue of male rape victims. Not a surprise, really.

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  • thefish

    This anti-feminist and these people are anti-feminist, they are not feminists at all.

    I give those kind of people a free pair of quote marks to differentiate them from actual feminists.

    :)

  • Ginkgo

    Fish, if you are feminist, then you are starting the reclamation of feminism!

  • Valkina

    There is something that I notest in regards to this particular group of people.Who think man can get raped.Apparently saying that men are better than women magically makes thing less bed.

    -Men are more capable than women.So we don’t have to take care of them,but they have to take care of women.
    Who?
    Because men are more capable.
    -Men are more emotionally restrained and controlled than women.So man can’t get psychologically heart and abused by women.
    Who?
    Because men are more emotionally restrained and controlled.
    -Men are stronger than women.So man can get raped or physically abused by women.
    Who?
    Because men are stronger.

    And the most remarkable thing is that man indulge in this as well.I have seen this happening many times.If you tell a man to carry something for women,at first he will say No. But as soon as you say “Women are weaker and more fragile than man”.They will sadly forget there enital “No”,and just do it.As if this is some kind of hypnosis trigger word for man.

  • Valkina

    I just read this.Scroll down at the bottom of the article.
    Apparently Typhon Blueis is evil femicadeistes.
    http://femininemystiquetwra.wordpress.com/2013/02/07/stop-femicadism/

    Also this.
    “How are the children cared for? They are cared for by their mother, right? How is it that their mother can care for them? Doesn’t the mother need to take care of herself first? Who is taking care of the mother while the mother takes care of the children? The answer is that the father is taking care of the mother.This is why the mother can care for the children because the mother herself is being taken care of by the father. Who is taking care of the father then? The answer is that the father is taking care of himself! The father is a MAN and MEN take care of themselves!”
    I was just astounded ,bue lack of compassion directed at men in this paragraf.Because we all know that men are like plants,you just gave them water and they can do fotosintesis.

    http://femininemystiquetwra.wordpress.com/2013/01/31/the-natural-order-chivalry-and-traditional-womens-rights/

  • thefish

    “Fish, if you are feminist, then you are starting the reclamation of feminism!”

    Yup! I tend not to see this stuff, because I stay away from those places. Like I stay away from Stormfront. Or r/SRS.

  • JDCyran

    I wanted to link to Obama’s SOTU here to note that it included a manhood test:

    http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/13/us/politics/obamas-2013-state-of-the-union-address.html?pagewanted=6&_r=1&

    In the last paragraph: “And we’ll work to strengthen families by removing the financial deterrents to marriage for low-income couples, and doing more to encourage fatherhood – because what makes you a man isn’t the ability to conceive a child; it’s having the courage to raise one. ” (emphasis mine)

    Any thoughts?

  • JDCyran

    Correction: second to last paragraph. Sorry.

  • http://dannyscorneroftheuniverse.blogspot.com Danny

    So far though it has been a womanist rather than a feminist who has been the clearest on the issue of male rape victims. Not a surprise, really.
    But by all that is holy don’t read the comments. I’ve said before that Renee herself is fine. But her commenters? Fucking animals.

  • dungone

    @JDCyran, my thoughts are that as Americans sit around wondering if the next president will be a woman or an atheist or whatever else, the thing that none of them are ever going to see coming is the day that we have a president who actually recognizes the humanity of men.

  • Tamen

    JDCyran: Funny how that quote becomes starkly pro-life when one switch the genders:

    because what makes you a woman isn’t the ability to conceive a child; it’s having the courage to raise one.

  • EquilibriumShift

    Valkina,

    that femicadeiste shit had me laughing. Apparently, it is hatred of women to say that they don’t deserve chivalry. Who knew?

  • Ginkgo

    Valkina, that femicadeite crap is hilarious. There are still some mRAs, or people who think they are MRAs, who think traditionalism is the way to go. Idiots! That femi-tradcon twaddle on that site is so childish it almost sounds like a parody.

  • Thomas

    http://www.vday.org/take-action/violence-against-women/battery-abuse

    I am wondering how you see this campaign and these numbers? Are the numbers an accurate representation of reality?

  • Schala

    It says 40-70% of homicide female victims were killed by an intimate partner on that v page.

    Here are the murder rates for Canada in 2007-2011:

    http://www.statcan.gc.ca/tables-tableaux/sum-som/l01/cst01/legal10a-eng.htm

    Please note that the rate of male victims of murder is 2 to 3 times higher than the rate of female victims.

    If even 35-40% of male victims are killed by an intimate, it makes pretty much 100% of female victims.

    All it says is that men are killed (as in homicide) by more different causes than women, and proportionally more by strangers or acquaintances than intimates. But risk-wise, men have 2-3 times the risk of women of being killed by someone.

    Some excuse it with a “but it’s men killing them”, but that is neither here not there, most men who die haven’t been “asking for it” anymore than the women who die. Especially not by association with the gender of their killers.

  • Valkina

    I also that ,initial ,that she is troll or that this site is parody.But as I read more articles on her site, it seems that she is selling snake oil.With heavy dose of sugar,to make it more easier to drink.

    Some of the articles are even more absurd.
    http://femininemystiquetwra.wordpress.com/frequently-used-terms/
    http://femininemystiquetwra.wordpress.com/2013/02/12/dominance-belongs-to-men-and-chivalry-belongs-to-women/

  • Valkina
  • Ginkgo

    Valkina, she doesn’t seem to get many comments, does she?

  • Valkina

    You are right.Maybe she did not put in a sugar in her snake oil?

    But you have to give her points for persistence.

  • Ginkgo

    Say, can we bring this back to the post?

  • Valkina

    Ok,sorry for going off topic.

  • http://markley.weebly.com/index.html John Markley

    A note about terminology, in anticipation to an objection about Ginkgo’s post that might be raised:: On their “Manifesto” page, the authors of Lesbian Mafia disavow the term “feminist.” HOWEVER, they go on to explain that this is because, in their view, feminism is excessively accomodating to men and too concerned about men’s interests and feelings, and so is insufficiently focused on women in general and lesbians in particular.

    Whatever their preferred moniker, however, their Manifesto suggests nothing to separate them from bog-standard radfems in their actual views. If I decided that I didn’t want to identify with libertarianism any more but still held all of the same views I do now, calling me a “libertarian” would still be perfectly accurate; same applies to calling Lesbian Mafia a radical feminist site.

  • Tamen

    Yeah, TheLesbianMafia piece is just the vile and rude consequence of feminist orthodoxy which feminists like Mary P. Koss preach. Koss probably wouldn’t couch it as TheLesbianMafia does, but the underlying idea is the same: Men forced to have unconsensual penetrative sex is not rape unless they were penetrated.

    Strip away the veneer of Mary P. Koss stance and this is what one gets.

  • Ginkgo

    “On their “Manifesto” page, the authors of Lesbian Mafia disavow the term “feminist.” HOWEVER, they go on to explain that this is because, in their view, feminism is excessively accomodating to men and too concerned about men’s interests and feelings, and so is insufficiently focused on women in general and lesbians in particular”

    Translation: more feminist than the feminists. That’s feminist enough for me.

  • Tamen

    I’ve mentioned feminist academic Nicola Gavey earlier. This is a quote from her book on how not applying double standards when it comes to rape (or using the gender reversal) i detriemental:

    This argument shows how, in the absence of recognition of sexual difference and gendered power relations, a pernicuous effect of the rhetoric of gender reversal can be an undermining of feminist emphasis on men’s responsibility for rape (of women) and a reiteration of women’s blame for (some) rapes (of women).

    Not because one end up blaming the male victim (as TheLesbianMafia) did, but because on may end up sounding like one blame female victims (by analogue). The way to resolve this isn’t to stop victim blaming male victims, no it’s by insisting that male rape victims are not really victims due to gender essentialism and gender power relations and that a rape against them are somehow different. Feminist author of an award winning text book on rape on the curriculim for many pshychology students.

  • Ginkgo

    “This argument shows how, in the absence of recognition of sexual difference and gendered power relations,…”

    I wonder if one of those gendered differences is how a man can get a lynch mob to hang a woman who rapes him, or get her thrown out of her job for being a lesbian, or accuse her of being the actual rapist and have it stick. I wonder if a man can rape a woman and then force her to support he resulting child whether or not she wanted to be a parent.

  • gwallan

    @Gingko…
    “I wonder if a man can rape a woman and then force her to support he resulting child whether or not she wanted to be a parent.”

    I believe this has happened or, at least, been attempted.

  • Crimson Wool

    “Valkina, she doesn’t seem to get many comments, does she?”

    It’s weird… there are comments there that are hidden from view. Like, if you look at the source, they’re there, and they appear for a little while when the page loads… then they disappear. I can’t figure out why it works out the way it does.

    There’s some nasty shit in there, though.

  • IogSotot

    The Lesbian Mafia via John Markley:
    “feminism is excessively accomodating to men and too concerned about men’s interests and feelings”

    DOT DOT DOT

    Really? Oh wow. These are on the level of Radfem Hubbers, aren’t they?

  • Daniel morris

    I keep it real and speak my mind I feel rape is just another thing to make a.big deal and try to degrade men IM gonna give u the real way.to.look at it for what it’s really worth all the bullshit women do for example I have fucked 20 women and about 30 have stood me up which when u stand a man up your rapping him emotionally but here’s the truth my first girlfriend did not want to have sex with me for there days I expected her of cheating so I raped her another one made a scene about the extra skin on my Dick before we was about to do itor so i raped her real talk women do.some fucked.up.shit.and.people can.only.be pushed.so.far for another example if u are in the room with a guy at one point u was interested in him and his personality or dick either way well you know how I feel about this women stop being such.assholes and trying to make men feel inferior grow up and for the record.rape does.not always have to.be about control it can be about humiliation

  • Daniel morris

    And as far as.ag man getting raped i would love if a women would rape me I wouldn’t care if she snuffed then did that shit your a man grow up

  • Adiabat

    I couldn’t decide whether the above is actually a deranged individual or a feminist who thinks they’re being funny. The bad punctuation seems too deliberate though so I’m going to go with deranged feminist.

  • Ginkgo

    Sounds about right. It’s either a decent attempt at false flag trolling or just an actually sincere and obvioulsy desperate pussy boy.

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