The Girl That Never Was and the Boy That Doesn’t Matter

Alison Tieman
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Alison Tieman

Artist/Writer at Xenospora
Alison has been researching men's issues since her mother gave her "Princess at the Window" by Donna Laframboise in 1994 when she was 16. She's taken part in men's rights communities since she started posting on soc.men in 2003. Since 2011 she's run the gender apostate blog Genderratic with her pal Gingko the wonder leaf and she founded Honey Badger Brigade in 2013 with Hannah Wallen and Karen Straughan. According to Vice the pony she most resembles is Fluttershy.
Alison Tieman
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  • Clarence

    Very Powerful:
    Cuts that whining bullshit right up.
    Here’s a hint, people: you are blessed with whatever children you have, boy, girl, or intersex.
    Love them and care for them. Don’t ditch the living for the dead, and esp not for the “never weres”.

  • Dungone

    I can’t really watch that video. Someone want to explain to me what the poetry/oh-no-etry was all about? I am not squeamish – I have slept next to a mass grave of hundreds of uncovered bodies and watched flies crawl into bullet holes in people’s skulls as I drank my morning coffee. But I don’t want to see a baby penis getting cut up.

  • Typhonblue

    It’s about how she hopes she has a boy because she thinks a boy will be spared the horrors that girls face in life.

  • Dungone

    Oh. Boys – just hoot’n and a holler’n through life.

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/telaran JDCyran

    @Typhonblue:

    It’s about how she hopes she has a boy because she thinks a boy will be spared the horrors that girls face in life.

    That’s so ridiculous, I don’t even know how to respond.

  • TheBiboSez

    @JDRyan – GirlWritesWhat responded quite well in her Youtube video:

    “Those privileged blue bundles of joy”

  • Paul

    I’ve never watched a circ’ing video before….

    It’s even worse than I ever imagined it could be. (And trust me, I imagined it being pretty horrible.)

    How anybody could describe that as “just a little snip” (especially when they’re usually talking about their own frigging child) … there’s just no words.

  • Clarence

    Paul:
    Let’s be fair. Sometimes it is very smooth and doesn’t hurt much. And sometimes, its downright traumatic even if no damage is done.

    The point isn’t that all male circumcisions are as horrid as that one (and that wasn’t the worst that can happen), the point is that it’s unnecessary surgery done without consent that leads to some unnecessary pain, some unknown loss of function, and can lead to horrid complications. What this video shows is probably a bit on the more unusual side of things.

    Anyway, I hope you understand the “little snip” now. For some infants that is what it is, for others its a horrid ordeal. But make no mistake -both infants are harmed by it.

  • Typhonblue

    @ Clarence

    “Sometimes it is very smooth and doesn’t hurt much.”

    Most infant circumcision is sans anaesthesia. Even when anaesthetic is used, it’s not sufficient to block all pain. In fact you’ll notice that, in this circumcision, they _did_ use anesthesia.

    This circumcision is typical.

  • http://valeriekeefe.tumblr.com Valerie Keefe

    I would have loved to sit down with this poetess and discuss the abuse I endured, the isolation, the sexual assault, the wanting to just not wake up, and to ask her how she felt it would have been worse if I’d been CAFAB. How it would have made me feel safer when people shouted shit at me from their car windows, how the death threats would have carried more sting, how having one parent not talk to me for fear I would be contagious to my little sister would have been worse, how having one parent say they would rather have heard I had terminal cancer would have somehow hit me harder, with the presence of a uterus.

    Because she doesn’t mean she wants boys. She means she wants CAMAB children. Where the fuck was she when my sisters screamed for help and then quietly, one by one, curled up and died because the only response they got was “shut up”?

  • Hackberry

    Clarence said ““Sometimes it is very smooth and doesn’t hurt much.”

    On what do you base that opinion?

  • Ginkgo

    “I would have loved to sit down with this poetess and discuss the abuse I endured, the isolation, the sexual assault, the wanting to just not wake up, and to ask her how she felt it would have been worse if I’d been CAFAB……having one parent say they would rather have heard I had terminal cancer would have somehow hit me harder, with the presence of a uterus.”

    Valerie, one thing that amazes me about trans people is how mild they are, both in conversation and in person, the small sample i have encountered. I wonder where that comes from. I would expect something much more violent, given what they have gone through.

    “It’s about how she hopes she has a boy because she thinks a boy will be spared the horrors that girls face in life.”

    Faughghghghg…. dameseling as a worldview. She’s clearly not strong enough to raise any child, the frail, dainty little thing that she is, and would only have a toxic influence on the child anyway.

    I can’t watch the video. I will make me think very violent thoughts that won’t serve any good purpose.

  • Clarence

    Hackberry:
    3 things:
    A. My own experience (which is one of my earliest memories) as well as how my mom said I reacted. I was crawling around later the same day
    B. The fact there are multiple different methods and some are going to have more complications and possibly be more painful than others
    C. Parents self-reporting can be found online. Some talk of traumatized babies in pain and how they immediately doubted the wisdom of what they had done, others describe a procedure that didn’t cause such a big fuss.

    My guess is this varies with the individual baby’s skin type, the method used, and if any pain medication was used.

  • Clarence

    I mean, I remember a short, sharp pain..and then numbness. I remember the building it was done in and the inside of that building to this day.

    By the way, I forget why, but mine was not such a big issue: they put it off for about 6 months, until my mom wanted it done for, IIRC religious reasons. So I was older than many of the babies that get this done to them.

  • http://valeriekeefe.tumblr.com Valerie Keefe

    @Gingko

    Valerie, one thing that amazes me about trans people is how mild they are, both in conversation and in person, the small sample i have encountered. I wonder where that comes from. I would expect something much more violent, given what they have gone through.

    I put it down to empathy, but that’s me.

  • Typhonblue

    @ Clarence

    Often an infant’s only coping mechanism is to turn off their awareness and go comatose.

    That’s the ‘no fuss’ circumcision.

  • Ginkgo

    Maybe so, Valerie. That makes as much sense as any other explanation.

  • Paul

    “It’s about how she hopes she has a boy because she thinks a boy will be spared the horrors that girls face in life.”

    Well, to a certain degree she’s right. Many of the “horrors” that girls often face will never be felt by many (most?) boys.

    ‘Course, she doesn’t seem to realize that the tradeoff is that boys face shit that girls seem blissfully unaware of… crap, there’s a term for that… what was it?